


Friends, Or Something Like It

by TheAvengersMascot



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, And they're drinking buddies, F/M, Human AU, One Shot, Other, Sif has secrets, So Does Loki, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-01
Updated: 2014-04-01
Packaged: 2018-01-17 18:49:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1398652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAvengersMascot/pseuds/TheAvengersMascot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What do you do when the man you love is marrying someone else?  Get drunk with his brother, obviously.  </p><p>Of course, that has its own complications.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Friends, Or Something Like It

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Some foul language, characters getting drunk. If anyone feels the rating should be higher please let me know.
> 
> Disclaimer: Characters belong to Marvel. I own as much as I profit from this, which is nothing.
> 
> Author's Note: So this isn't actually the first thing I've ever written but it's the first thing I've ever posted anywhere. Every other time I've written something and thought it was worth sharing, I end up second-guessing myself and by the time I finish editing, I've completely talked myself out of it. This story came out fairly quickly and I decided just to put it up right away so I wouldn't overthink it. Any and all mistakes are mine.

_Why are there so many people? There's no way Thor actually knows all these people. God, where is he?_

Sif weaves her way through the crowded banquet room. In less than twenty-four hours the man she loves is going to marry someone else. A conversation with that 'someone else' is the reason she's doing everything short of shoving people out of her path to find the person she's looking for. The one person she knows will get it. Finally, she sees the back of his head. He's chatting up the made of honour, a short, buxom thing who Sif cannot understand how she ever got to be friends with Jane; the two are so unlike. She marches up to him and grips his arm, forcing him to face her.

"Loki," she says, staring straight at him. "We need to get drunk. Now."

~~~|~~~

_Oh god, she's coming over. Why is she coming over?_

_"Sif," Jane says, her discomfort radiating off her in waves. "Could I talk to you in private?"_

_No, actually. That's pretty much the last thing I want to do, she thinks. What she says is, "Sure."_

_The two women walk away from the crowd of friends and family and well-wishers. Sif never saw the point of rehearsal dinners. By all means, rehearse the proceedings but why make a whole big affair out of what amounted to a practice run? Especially when there's going to be a bigger, better one tomorrow night._

_She keeps these thoughts to herself as Jane leads her towards the lounge. It's early enough to not be crowded. They're a fair distance from where the party is and Sif can just tell this is going to be awkward. It already was, but it's about to get worse._

_"I hate to do this," Jane begins. "In all honesty, I hate myself for doing this and I'm sorry for it but I just can't get it out of my head."_

_Sif plasters a concerned look on her face. "What's on your mind?" she asks, though she's pretty sure she knows._

_"You've known Thor a long time." The way Jane says it, it isn't clear if it's a statement or question._

_"Yes."_

_"You're pretty close."_

_Just say it, she thinks. "Pretty close, yeah."_

_Jane tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and looks off to the side. She's plainly nervous. "I know this is probably none of my business but were you two ever... more than friends?"_

_Sif raises an eyebrow and Jane rushes to add, "Not that it's a problem if you were. I'm not naive enough to think Thor doesn't have any exes or anything. It's just...I've heard so much about you. Thor talks about you and your friends all the time. I practically know everything he knows about you and we just met three days ago."_

_"That's the way it is when you grow up with someone," Sif answers. She knows what Jane is fishing for but she doesn't want to go there first because even though she knows it's coming, she really doesn't want to say it._

_"Yeah," Jane says, looking down at her hands. "Yeah." There's a long pause. "I just... I hear all these things about you from Thor and then I meet you and... I see the way you look at him, the way you are with each other. There's so much between you two and sometimes it's hard not to wonder if there's something more than friendship there."_

_And there it is, the reason she was wishing deep down she could have found an excuse not to come to the wedding. Of all the things she was good at, hiding her feelings was way down on the list. She didn't want to meet Thor's fiancée, didn't want to see how happy they were. And most of all, she didn't want anyone noticing how much it fucking hurt. Now there was no escaping it. Sif takes a deep breath and steels herself. If avoidance wasn't an option, then running headfirst at the problem was the only thing to do._

_"If you're asking if I'm in love with him, the answer's yes," she states._

_The admission shocks Jane for some reason. Sif wonders if maybe she hadn't thought the answer would come so quickly or so baldly stated._ _"Oh," is all the woman says._

_The word just kind of hangs in the air between them. Sif watches her deflate a little, then a lot. For one fleeting moment, she wishes she was the type of person who could enjoy this. The kind of person who could twist the knife the same time as saying 'Poor you'. This would be the perfect opportunity. Jane opened the door and it would take nothing for Sif to waltz on through._

_And yet, she doesn't. The crestfallen look on Jane's face wipes away any malicious thoughts from Sif's mind. She wishes she had a drink or five to down before doing this but she has no such luck. To leave Jane to stew while Sif gathers some liquid courage would just be cruel._

_"Look," she starts. "I've known Thor my whole life. And I've been in love with him almost as long. There's no way you can compete with that much history, so you shouldn't try to."_

_She's doing the right thing, but nothing says she has to be gentle about it. If she's going to commit the romantic equivalent of harakiri, then it's only fair that Jane feels a little bit of the sting too. Why should Sif be the only one with tears in her eyes and the feeling of her guts being carved out with a butter knife?_

_"And it's because of that history that I can tell you..." Dammit, just get it over with. "...I can tell you that I have never once seen Thor look at anyone the way he looks at you."_

_Jane's eyes fix on hers and Sif wants to look away but the only thing she hates more than these girly heart-to-hearts is cowardice. Time to rip the off the last of the band-aid._

_"He's never looked at_ me _, the way he looks at you. Thor knows me well and he might even love me. But he's not in love with me, and he never has been. So if you're worried about anything happening between him and me, don't be. He's only got eyes for one of us and it's not me. He'll make you very happy if you let him."_

 _Jane gives her a rueful smile. "And now I feel like a horrible person for bringing it up. I'm sorry I thought you were_ –"

_"Don't worry about it."_

_The other woman doesn't try to finish the apology. She stands and is about to leave when she catches herself. "I don't know you all that well yet Sif, but you seem like a really good person. I'm sure you'll find someone who deserves you."_

_And damn it all if Sif doesn't want to throw up then and there. It's all the more disgusting because Jane is one hundred percent sincere. She's not being catty, she actually means what she said. The woman who possesses something Sif could never have just wished her the same happiness and did it without a trace of mockery. Who does that? Who's capable of that?_

_Sif watches Jane walk all the way back before getting out of her seat. There's someone she needs to find to help balance out all that nauseating earnestness._

~~~|~~~

"God, why did I say that?" Sif all but whines into her gin and tonic. Her fourth gin and tonic, that is.

"Which part?" Loki asks, staring into his scotch glass as if it holds the meaning to life, the universe and everything.

"All of it. I could have ruined their relationship right there." Sif pauses to swallow the last bit of her cocktail and wave at the bartender for another. "Jane thought there was something going on between us."

"You and her?" Loki says, just to be a little shit.

"Me and Thor. All I had to do was tell her there was and then this stupid wedding would be ruined and that tiny little woman would be gone forever. Why didn't I do that instead?"

Loki, having failed to divine the answers to life's Big Questions in his drink, downs the rest of it in one go. "Because you're not a bitch. You're better than that." He's interrupted by a hiccup. "Also because you're stupid."

Sif nearly spits out her drink. "Excuse me?"

Loki busts out laughing. For all his typical moroseness, he was always a strangely happy drunk. "Come on. It was a golden opportunity and you went and ruined it by getting all touchy-feely. When did you become _that_ girl? I remember you kicking Fandral in the balls for suggesting you might actually like a boy."

"Loki, I was twelve and the boy he thought I liked with was him."

"Still have a point though," he insists. "You said it yourself, you could have put an end to this ridiculous wedding business and had Thor all to yourself."

"I said nothing about having–"

"Of course," Loki went on as if he didn't hear her. "Thor would be really pissed at you for chasing off his fiancée. He'd throw one of his famous temper tantrums and then he'd refuse to speak to you for like... forever. You would have killed your chance with him before you even got to try."

The bartender arrives with her drink in time to hear Loki's comments and Sif turns to him and says, "Loki is Mr. Good News Happy Guy."

Loki giggles– actually giggles– and Sif kicks his shin, her way of showing gratitude. The kind of 'touchy-feely' chats like the one she just had with Jane always made her want to hit something. That is why Loki is such a good friend to have. He understands that she doesn't want an ice cream and rom-com pity party. She wants cynicism and snark and absolutely no sugar-coating. And Loki, he of the barbed tongue, is always happy to provide.

"Ow!" Loki gasps, still laughing. "Sif, you're wearing massive heels. You can't do that."

She raises her drink to him. "You were asking for it."

He considers that. "Fair enough."

Their interchange stalls at that moment and the levity is so abruptly gone it's disconcerting. "Fuck," Sif curses. "I've known for so long Thor doesn't think of me that way so why does it hurt so much now? What the hell changed?"

Loki sets his empty glass down and slides it back and forth across the bar between his hands. "Before you could tell yourself there was a chance. Maybe... someday..."

He's interrupted by the bartender taking the glass away before he could fling it off the bar. Loki sits there looking bemused and a little incredulous for a second before remembering to get back on his train of thought before it leaves the station without him.

"Now it's like Thor's officially closed the door. Plus Jane's nothing like you. She's petite, bookish, girly... all the things you never were. It feels like you spent all this time pining and never stood a chance because you're not his type."

All Sif can do is sit there silent because he's right. For all Loki's flaws (and Sif could write a book), he's always been the most perceptive person she knows. It's a quality that's limited the number of friends he has because Loki sees and understands everything, and frequently doesn't keep his insights to himself, regardless of whether he gives offense. She used to think he was a show-off. Then she thought it was just mean. Now she knows he uses it almost as a defense mechanism. He's not willing to waste his time with people who put up a pretense. Loki's deep, dark secret is that he is enormously sensitive. He cares a lot, perhaps too much at times, and he learned the hard way over time not to invest himself in people who couldn't be honest with him. Or with themselves.

"I don't pine," Sif mutters. Loki has ears like a bat.

"Yeah you do."

"I do not!"

"You pine. There was pining," he insists.

Something occurs to her then and she wants to kick herself this time for not asking sooner. "What about you?"

Loki stifles a burp in his throat. "I never pine. And I'm not his type either."

Sif punches him in the arm but it's a weak effort because she's started laughing. And because she's a little tipsy. "God, you can be gross sometimes."

"All part of my charm," he replies. His voice has the little growl it gets when he's in an all too-rare goofy mood. Sif always liked that sound.

"Seriously though," she tries again. "How's it been for you?"

"How's what been? Watching my brother trip all over himself to win her over?"

"Yeah. That."

Loki thinks for a minute before deciding on the word, "Frustrating." He leans over onto the bar, resting his elbows on the counter with arms crossed. "He keeps telling me nothing's gonna change. I can't tell if he's that naive or he's just patronizing me. Of course things are gonna change, and not just some things. Everything. That's what marriage is. It's a whole new life where you're part of a 'we'. He won't be making decisions for just himself anymore. I almost think it'd be easier if Jane was a bitch because then at least I'd have an excuse to be cruel. But she's just so damn... nice. I feel like I could crush her soul if said even one mean thing to her."

"I'm sure she's not that fragile," Sif puts in.

"Yeah, well you haven't heard what's up here," he says, tapping his temple with a finger.

"That bad, huh?"

He nods. "And the worst part is I know she doesn't deserve any of it. She's smart and decent. She makes Thor better and all I can think is how much I want to see her gone."

Sif doesn't say anything yet. She knows Loki probably wouldn't welcome any declarations of sympathy or the like. His brother and best friend was for the first time leaving him behind. No matter what Thor might think or how good his intentions are, he'll still be a married man with married responsibilities.

"I feel like..." he hesitates. "I feel like I put all this work into making my brother a better person and Jane not only gets to reap the rewards, she's getting most of the credit."

"But you just said _she_ makes him better," Sif pointed out.

"She does. I only said I put the work in. I didn't say I was successful."

She could hear the resentment in his voice, mixed with an undercurrent of sadness. Loki is happy for Thor but he seems incapable of thinking of it any other way but at his own expense.

"Well think of it this way," she says. "You might not get the credit but you won't get the blame either if it goes sideways. It's out of your hands. Out of both our hands, actually. Now maybe I'll be able to stop thinking about Thor and start trying to find someone who can tolerate me for more than five minutes."

" 'Tolerate you'?" Loki repeats, sounding vaguely horrified. "Is that how low you've set your standards?"

"I didn't mean it like that."

"Then how did you mean it?" he presses.

This isn't the conversation Sif expected to be having. They were supposed to just get hammered together so they could both forget about losing Thor. Five minutes ago they were laughing their asses off and she would really prefer to go back to that but Loki has lost all traces of mirth and is looking at her with the most intense expression she's ever seen. She knows from experience he's not going to let it drop.

"I... I intimidate most men," she admits at last. "That's helpful in the business world but in the dating world, not so much. I can't pretend to be some vapid bubblehead who gets turned on by the size of a guy's wallet. I'm smarter than all of them and I make more than enough money to take care of myself. A lot of men act like I've emasculated them just by existing."

Loki is still staring. "Where the hell are you finding these guys?"

"Loki–"

"You are so much more than that, Sif." He swivels his chair sideways so he's facing her straight on, swaying a little because of the scotch but staying upright. "You're brilliant, you have a wicked sense of humour, and you could kick the asses of just about everyone in this place. You don't take shit from people, you demand respect and you get it. You're capable, and a good person, and on top of it all, you're fucking gorgeous. Sif you're practically a goddess and anyone who doesn't see that or who isn't turned on instead of repelled by it, anyone who doesn't get on their knees and thank whatever god they pray to that you even exist isn't worth your time."

Her breath is gone. All she can feel is the weight of his hand on top of hers. She's never heard Loki talk about any girl – about _anyone_ – the way he just did her. _It's the scotch,_ she tells herself. _It has to be_. Why else would he say all that? He's not in the habit of layering compliment on top of compliment just to make someone feel better, nor is he one for empty flattery. Loki wouldn't say those things if he didn't believe them and–

Loki's laughing again. Not at her, more at himself, which he makes clear by looking over his shoulder to the bartender and saying, "I think I need another one."

"I think you do too," she murmurs.

They spend the rest of the evening on harmless chatting. Loki is acting as if he doesn't remember his speech on her supposed perfection. Sif thinks she is happy to play along, happy to pretend right along with Loki. But later that night as she stares at the ceiling of her darkened hotel room, she finds it's not true. She can't stop wondering why.

~~~|~~~

The ceremony is lovely and Sif can see Frigga's touches everywhere. Jane's own mother died some years ago so her future mother in-law was very much involved in the wedding planning. Sif can't help but think after raising two sons Frigga must be glad at the prospect of having more female company around. Though she spent a lot of time with Thor and Loki as children, Sif knows she was practically one of the boys back then, so she didn't really count. Loki is right, Jane couldn't be more her opposite.

Dinner is another lavish affair and Sif tries to enjoy it but keeps finding herself distracted. All through the ceremony, her eyes kept drifting over to the best man and now again, she can't help but keep glancing at the head table. Loki hasn't had time to talk at all but once the dancing starts, he's pretty much free for the evening. His speech after dinner is short and embarrasses Thor just enough to get a laugh without seeming cruel. Regarding Jane he is polite and courteous, not glowing with praise but not hinting at any negative feelings either.

As soon as the speeches are done and the newlyweds have their first dance, Loki disappears. It takes some searching, but Sif finds him on a balcony overlooking the lobby. He has a drink in his hand but the glass is still almost full. He didn't drink much during dinner, which she knows because she was watching him almost the whole time, so he's bound to be sober still. He's looking away so she has a moment to admire his ensemble. His dinner jacket has been doffed and his long white sleeves rolled up to just below the elbow. The tie around his neck, a deep green to match the made of honour's dress, is loose, with the knot hanging just below the top button of his shirt. A button which is not done up, giving her a glimpse of a lithe neck. With his long limbs and natural grace he would have made a gorgeous dancer. Sadly for the world, Loki has no interest in performing arts. It was a fight on the part of his then-girlfriend to get him on the dance floor of his own prom.

Sif comes up beside him, mirroring his pose by resting her elbows on the rail. "That was a nice speech."

He shakes his head. "It was tripe."

"It's a wedding speech. It's supposed to be tripe," she points out.

Loki shrugs and takes a sip of his drink. Only he would be offended by being put in a situation requiring the expression of good old-fashioned sentiment.

Sif looks back in the direction of the reception hall. "Well, he really did it. It's official."

"Don't remind me," Loki mutters into his drink.

She watches him for a minute, which is easy because he has yet to meet her eyes. There's a defeated quality about him, something more than she expects even after what he said the night prior. The strange part is, Sif has the sense that it's familiar somehow.

"What's really bothering you? And don't say Jane because it's more than that."

For a minute all that happens is Loki swirling the ice around in his glass. His tone is for once deadly sincere when he speaks. "When all that shit happened with my parents it was a nightmare. I was angry and confused, but most of all I was scared. I felt like I couldn't trust anyone or anything because everything, even what I thought I knew about myself, was a lie."

Sif looks down at her hands. "I remember." That whole summer was a disaster for all involved.

"It was worse than you know, Sif," he says. "I mean it was bad. I... it was bad. The only reason I'm still here and am something approaching well-adjusted is because of Thor. He's the only person who was never anything but honest with me. Plus he was lied to by our parents almost as much as I was and he was almost as pissed as me. Through that whole shitstorm I had exactly one friend, one ally who I knew had my back no matter what. I don't think... I don't think I realized how much I still think of him that way until he proposed to Jane. All those other girls came and went and I never worried about losing him. Now I have."

It's then she understands why his demeanor seems so familiar. She's seeing echoes of his fourteen year-old self, the boy who discovered by accident his parents weren't his parents. She remembers he ran away at first. Then after the police brought him home, there were days upon days of screaming fights and Loki acting out. More than once he, and sometimes Thor as well, ended up at her house or one of their other friends' for the night because Loki couldn't breathe in his own home. Things calmed down by the time school started that fall, but it was still several years before Loki could stand to call Odin and Frigga his parents again. She remembers Loki getting both himself and Thor in their fair share of trouble back then and at the time she thought it was terrible of him to drag his brother into his mischief. From what Loki is saying now though, she wonders if it wasn't the other way around; if it was Thor insisting he come along on whatever ill-conceived scheme Loki was up to so he could make sure he still had a brother by the end of it.

Sif gives up leaning on the rail and moves closer to put her hand on his arm. "He's still your brother. Getting married doesn't change that."

"Of course it does. She's his number one priority now, and that's how it's supposed to be." He pauses then to raise his glass and for a fleeting moment Sif worries he's about to chuck it over the rail and down to the lobby floor below. All he does though, is take a sip before continuing. "I know I'm a selfish bastard to be angry that he'd put me second after the woman he loves but I can't help it because he's the only person who ever put me first."

Loki scrubs his free hand across his face, looking like he'd rather be doing anything other than having this conversation. "I'm a horrible person. And please, for the love of God, don't try and tell me I'm not. I don't want you to lie to me right now."

All of this unvarnished honesty is rare from Loki. Oh he has no trouble telling the truth about others but seldom did anyone get even a glimpse of _his_ truth. Sif saw moments like this before but they were always fleeting; tiny drops in the ocean of his life. This candor is unprecedented and it can only be because it's Thor's wedding and he's wrung out over it. She feels a bit guilty taking advantage of his vulnerability but if she doesn't ask the question now, he might never give her another opening.

"Why did you say those things about me last night?"

"What things?" he asks.

"You know what things."

He takes a rather large swig of his cocktail. "I changed my mind. Tell me how I'm not a horrible person. I don't care if you lie."

"Loki," she sighs. "This is me. I know you well enough to know you don’t just say those things about people. Where did it come from?"

There's a long pause before he says, "You're smart. You tell me."

"I don't want to play games–"

"So don't."

Sif huffs and, crossing her arms, she turns so she is standing with her back to the rail. "You are insufferable sometimes."

"I know." He turns so he is leaning sideways against the rail and facing her for the first time since she found him here.

She wants to walk away but the look in his eyes stops her. It's an expression she can't define but one that pins her in place. She suspects her legs might turn to rubber if she tries to move. There's nothing she can do but to soldier on.

"When you talked about all that time spent longing for something I'd never have, it wasn't just your usual know-it-all observation. You were talking from experience."

Loki's gaze is unflinching and gives away nothing. Sif bites her lip before going on.

"And then you said all those incredible things about me," she says. Her voice is getting a little hoarse and she doesn't know why. Perhaps it's because her heart is suddenly in her throat like it's just waiting for the chance to jump out her mouth. "Loki, it's me, isn't it."

He says nothing, but the way he drops his eyes to the floor is answer enough. At first she doesn't know what to do. Then instinct takes over and she punches him in the arm.

"Aagh!" Loki exclaims, rubbing his arm in an exaggerated fashion.

"Why didn't you ever say anything?" she demands to know.

"Like you did?" he returns, and it shuts her up. "I didn't say anything for the same reason you didn't. You never saw me that way just like Thor never saw you that way." Loki sighs and looks away again. "We're quite the pair, aren't we?"

"Yeah. King and Queen of the one-sided love affair. Question is, what do we do now?"

"Let's get coffee tomorrow."

Sif almost hits him again. "You're not serious."

"I am." He raises his hands in surrender before she can get in another smack. "I didn't realize you find coffee so offensive."

Sif studies his face for a moment. If he showed any hint that he was enjoying this she'd call it quits right there. But he didn't. In fact his expression was one of surrender, perfectly matched by his still raised hands. She knew the smart answer was 'no', but she also knew how much that would hurt.

"I don't know Loki," is what she settles on. "I don't want to string you along with false hope."

Loki, because he is a bastard, rolls his eyes at her attempt at being sensitive. "Sif, give me a little credit. I'm not expecting anything from you. I know your affection won't magically transfer from Thor to me."

She still isn't sure. The whole thing is the definition of 'bad idea'. When there are feelings involved, especially the kind that come along with falling in love with someone who can't or won't love you back, nobody gets away unscathed. He'll end up hurt and she'll be riddled with guilt because she's the one who hurt him and she knows exactly how it feels.

"Look," he says, finally dropping his hands. "If it's a choice between just being friends with you for the rest of our lives but knowing where I stand, and torturing myself over the possibilities until one of us gets married or dies, then I'd rather us be friends." He hesitates, eyes pointing down at his feet. "And I could really use a friend right now Sif. You're pretty much the only person I can talk to about this. Please?"

This is just so unlike him Sif is almost speechless. Loki doesn't beg. He just doesn't. She feels the corners of her mouth wanting to quirk up into a smile. "Oh you've got it bad, don't you?"

Loki's only response is a curse but he's smiling as he does it so she knows he's not bothered by a little teasing.

"You know I'm only in town for another two days?" she asks. He nods. "Alright, coffee tomorrow. On one condition."

His eyebrow, the one that always seems to have a mind of its own, twitches upward. "Which is?"

"You have to dance tonight."

Loki groans. "You're evil. Absolutely ruthless."

Sif stops herself from smirking to say with mock regret, "I know. But them's the breaks."

"Come on, Sif. Anything but that."

She'd love to keep torturing him but she doesn't have the heart. "One dance then. With me. You have no idea how much it sucks being at a wedding without a date."

He swallows and when he speaks his voice is quiet and pained. "Actually, I do."

And now Sif feels like the jerk because she remembers Loki's been in the same boat as her all this time. "Sorry," she apologizes. "That was thoughtless of me."

"Forget it," he tells her. Then he throws back the remainder of his drink, squares his shoulders, and steels himself in a way that looks like he's about to march into battle. Extending his right hand and sketching a small bow, he says, "My Lady."

Despite her misgivings about this shift in their relationship, Sif places her hand in his and gives him a nod. Together they walk back to the reception to have their dance.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading.


End file.
